After further analysing my 25 word pitch "1950s summertime and two girls set out to free a gypsy boy and horse from a tearful existence in this heartwarming tale of friendship, adventure and horses". I decided that it lacked appeal and sounded more like a logline.
So as a group we decided to alter our 25 word pitch to something that was more intriguing.
We came up with...
When Nancy Moore comes by a neglected gypsy boy and his horse she had no idea that they were beginning an adventure that would change their lives forever.
We decided that this pitch was more intriguing and didn't give too much away by the storyline.
It also complies to the expectations that I spoke of earlier; because it...
- Says something about the characters
- Has a brief introduction to the storyline
- Appeals to and captivates the audience
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